The testimony of an abused: “I did not report him, I thought they would not believe me”

Statistics and professionals who care for victims of sexist violence highlight that there is no profile kind of affected by this structural problem and María is a good example of this. “I am not at all submissive, I have a lot of character,” she explains. For this reason, when she met Miguel, at 39, she never thought that she would be trapped by the most retrograde machismo. Over time, he has realized that “neither age, intelligence, economic situation, nor having traveled matters”. She has a degree, has a steady job and her own home. But he got “into the hole” without realizing it. When she wanted to see she weighed 44 kilos, “she was tiny as a person, unable to decide anything, she was dead while she was alive” and she was only concerned with “surviving.”

But did not report to Miguel because he is a member of the security forces and he thought that “they would believe him and not her“Also, at first, as happens to many battered women, she felt that it was her fault. Now she” regrets very much for not having denounced him. “In the first place, because she considers that the attitude of her ex-partner with women” should have a punishment. “And, secondly, so that he does not attack anyone else, because it costs him that Miguel also mistreated his first wife and he fears that he may do it more times.

At first, as in many other relationships marked by machismo, Miguel showed no signs of being controlling or possessive. “It was quite detached“, recalls María, who prefers to keep her real name and that of her ex-partner anonymous. Everything began to change after they both moved in together and Miguel began to compulsively control Maria’s calls, her WhatsApp messages and her outings. “At first I thought it was jealousy, but then it got worse and I couldn’t even talk to my mother without showing her, with the loudspeaker, that it was with her and not someone else.”

Pathological jealousy

Miguel’s problem is pathological jealousy. He thought and accused María of “fucking” with all his friends, with his friends and almost anyone, to the point that María stopped meeting his friends or even going to the library to prepare an exam to avoid arguments. And it all got worse when he stayed pregnant because he didn’t want to have a child. He asked her to voluntarily terminate her pregnancy and, since she refused, made her ride a motorcycle “for her to abort“and he continually asked her if she was going to lose the baby.” It was a very difficult pregnancy, “Maria recalls.

On one occasion, while pregnant, she tried throw on the terraceAfter throwing her out of the house, as he did every time they argued because he suspected that Maria had had sexual relations with another man. “I thought he was going to throw me but in the end he let me go,” he explains.

Aggressions

After the child was born, the situation continued. “Just given birth She accused me of having gone to fuck when I was going to visit the child in the clinic, who was admitted to neonates, it was surreal, “she says. And later, every time I threw her out of the house, she had to carry her things and those of his son, sometimes in the middle of the night. The arguments were constant and a couple of times he gave him of the gloves that left visible marks. However, he considers that the “continuous psychological crush it hurts more than a slap. “

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Although it was finally a aggression the one that ended the poisoned relationship. Miguel took her by the neck, lifted her, so that she could not “neither breathe nor speak.” “His gaze was lost and there, for the first time, I felt that my life was in danger. And my life did not matter to me but I thought of my son and that I did not want him to stay. orphan with a father who does not love him. “That made him abandon Miguel, a step that was easier because he did not want to resume the relationship.” If he had called me, I would have gone back to him because it was like my drug, I thought I couldn’t live without him. “

With much effort, Maria has been able to escape the cycle of violence. Thanks to his determination, the help of his environment and the psychological assistance they give him in the Federation of Progressive Women. The situation is still complicated because Miguel is the father of her son, but Maria feels “lucky” to have left such a damaging relationship behind.