Part 2/3.
The second question posed by a 7-year-old girl in the classroom I attended is more common than you might think.
She asked the reasons why her father showed no interest in seeing her. The specific questioning was the following: “Why doesn’t my father want to see my sister or me; don’t you love us? ” What the girl asked is something that happens frequently, sometimes it is the father, other times the mother who rejects her sons and daughters.
The children, children of parents who have dissolved the marriage bond; who have separated their lives when the union occurred through a concubine or even, when they are the product of a sporadic relationship, they have the right to be shown affection by their parents and to visit and live with both the father and the mother -depending on who has custody and custody. On the children’s side it is a right and on the parents’ side it is an obligation / right, because the latter cannot refuse to live with their children.
The displays of affection come parallel to the daily coexistence, therefore, they must be analyzed together. The question is: how do you enforce the law? Can you force a father or mother to show affection to their children when they do not want to?
On this occasion, -unlike what happened to the child who wanted to meet his biological parents, but whose legal parents did not authorize it until he reached the age of majority, as provided by the General Law of the Rights of Girls , Children and Adolescents- the law was on the side of the girls, boys and adolescents and therefore, it was also on my court.
That same law, in article 103, section V, provides that “they are obligations of those who exercise parental authority, guardianship or guardianship and custody, as well as of other people who by reason of their functions or activities have girls under their care, children or adolescents, in proportion to their responsibility and, when they are public institutions, according to their sphere of competence, ensure an affective, comprehensive and non-violent environment for the full, harmonious and free development of their personality… ”.
There are many other general rules, which state the same thing. In the case of Mexico City, which in general is a liberal and advanced federative entity, as far as freedoms and rights are concerned, it expressly contemplates the parenting duty in article 414-bis of the Civil Code that in part The interested party provides that “those who exercise parental authority or custody and provisional or definitive custody of a minor, regardless of whether or not they live in the same home, must comply with the following parenting obligations: I.- Ensure physical safety , psychological and sexual; II.- Promote proper eating habits, personal hygiene and physical development. As well as promoting intellectual and school development skills; III.- Carry out affective demonstrations, with respect and acceptance of these by the minor, and IV.- Determine limits and standards of conduct while preserving the best interests of the minor… ”.
Section III was the one that interested me to answer the girl, because there is an obligation as part of the parenting duty to show affection to the children. In addition, the various article 416-bis of the same civil code provides that “children who are under the parental authority of their parents have the right to live with both, even when they do not live under the same roof.” And that “[n]or, without just cause, personal relationships between the minor and their ascendants may be prevented … “.
With all this I asked him: “What’s your name?” When I heard his name, I told him that he had a beautiful name and that a leprechaun had told me that little by little he was going to learn to read well and that he was going to like reading very much. With these words she felt happy. He had managed to get a smile out of her and soothe her soul a bit.
I’m going to answer what you ask, I promised to tell you the truth. Your dad has an obligation to love you and to see you. So says the law. Her eyes widened, but I also noticed that in her gaze there was another question, she wanted to know how she did it so that her dad would love her.
How difficult it is for a girl or boy to know that their father or mother rejects them without having done something beyond being born. As much as whoever has the custody of the minor, fills them with affection, there is an abyss within them due to the rejection of the other parent. Finally, when night falls, comes silence and, therefore, loneliness and confrontation with oneself. The girls and boys are not exempt from this, in this case, their emptiness was due to the absence of acceptance and affection from the father.
Of course, I could not tell you that over time, most people lose the capacity for wonder and that some, in various spheres, private, family, social and work – whether in the public or private sector – are committing separatist, absurd and immature behaviors. Immaturity and lack of communication is what often prevails.
The only thing I could say and risking a lot, was that adults were sometimes complicated and that sometimes they had problems that they did not know how to solve. “They need help to heal from things other than a physical illness so they can act differently,” I said, “but it is not the children’s fault.” He had to speak generically and not particularize things.
It was already a very complicated terrain in which he was walking, because although the law establishes the obligation to give affection and it is also true that the proem of the Convention on the Rights of the Child provides that “the family, as a fundamental group of society and natural environment for the growth and well-being of all its members, and in particular children, must receive the protection and assistance necessary to be able to fully assume their responsibilities within the community. Recognizing that the child, for the full and harmonious development of his personality, must grow up within the family, in an environment of happiness, love and understanding… ”, the truth was that that same Convention establishes that there can be no arbitrary interference in the family.
It was better not to continue talking, it was no longer my territory. What was up to me was to answer the girl so that she would know what the law says in relation to affection, that is where my participation came, apart from my feeling that they were not understanding that all I wanted was to know the reasons why the one that her father rejected her and that this did have a solution because what the mother had to do was request in the incident of visitation and coexistence therapies of “rejoining paternal filial” on which the father could not refuse to take them.
I ended up saying “let’s imagine something. Here I have a jar that is empty, I want you to have it. You are going to fill it every night with beautiful things that happen to you during the day, is that okay? ” “Yes,” he replied. “Well, you are going to put it next to your pillow and you are going to realize how every day it grows bigger with the love that all the people around you have for you, such as your mother, grandparents, teachers, cousins. , cousins, uncles, aunts and friends. It’s going to fill up really fast. Keep it as a treasure and let it remain deep within you, okay? ” “It goes,” he replied. Remember that many people love you. Don’t forget that everything will always be fine. “
– How fragile children are! How much harm we adults do to them without realizing it! What a great responsibility we have to be good people, I thought.
All this led me to conclude that the offenses committed against children in their childhood may be one of the causes of having some adults, men and women alike that today we see so denatured or that they are protagonists and why not say it, also vindictive or cruel. Or others and others with histrionic personalities or the need to attract attention, with personality disorders so visible that they transcend the personal sphere to become visible in the field of behavior in their public sphere. In itself, overpopulation, unemployment, diseases, historical discrimination against entire social groups, asymmetries in income distribution and climate change, are enough so that behaviors will be erratic, if it is added, personality disorders, makes the world is a more complex place.
Returning to the classroom topic, after this unspoken thought, another girl raised her hand. This time it wasn’t a question, it was an assertion. “I no longer want to go to court, they do a lot of tests on me,” he told me. This statement also had an answer and he was going to give it to him. It is the principle of least intervention that I will talk about next week.
Reference-www.eleconomista.com.mx