Should you ‘drag’ the social networks of a possible date? Experts say it may be enlightening, but take it with a grain of salt

We are almost a Google search away from discovering almost anything and everything about a potential date, from the timeline of their last relationship, to whether or not they are single, have children, what they do for a living, if they have had any. transgression of the law, the list goes on.

Jokingly known as “dragging someone’s social media”, it’s a deep dive into their various social media accounts, and then restricting monkeys through the accounts of those who have commented on their posts, tagged them, or are labeled. This background / creep check has become somewhat of a standard, but should it be? Or does it make us have preconceived notions and superficial expectations?

Blake carter, 36 years old, who is a co-host the morning program At Toronto’s FLOW 93.5, she has been single since early summer. After seeing her ex post updates on social media about the dates after her split, she decided it was time to move on and start dating again. “There is a limited amount of time so you can stay home and mourn the breakup,” Carter said. “When you go through a breakup, you never know if you’re going to solve it, so you don’t want to jump the gun, but once I found out that it did, it was the game.”

Thanks to his career, his DMs (direct messages) are like a dating app unto itself. “I don’t know if it’s the best decision I’ve made to entertain the DMs that I have,” Carter said. But since she’s not on any dating app, it opens the door for her to meet a like-minded fellow, especially since they are typically fellow hip-hop lovers who listen to her live, musical artists, or people from the same industry who they tend to reach out.

After receiving a DM, he says he will obviously go and drag your account and your social networks. “I don’t want to date someone and then find out that they are super racist in their tweets,” Carter said. Being in public view, it is important for her to know who she can be seen with in public. She is diligent with her preliminary research and admits that as long as she has the name of a love interest, she can find out anything.

If they pass your check, she will text them to see if there is a good relationship, and if so, she will make an appointment. “I’ve been through enough; I’d rather know the red flags before going on a date with you, ”Carter said.

When she meets guys in real life, she investigates them in the same way.

“I give my Instagram before giving my phone number; usually that’s the first thing people do now, ”Carter said. Doing so has paid off. “Guys will flirt with you and ask you out, but they will have a full marriage,” Carter said, referring to a recent time when she met a group of guys at a bachelor party and one was very flirtatious with her. She took his name, did a quick search online, and saw through Facebook that he was married. “Some guys are good at hiding things, but many are not,” Carter said.

While it can be revealing and offer a sense of security to research someone before you go on a first date or get to know them more, it can also cloud your opinion of them and lead to inaccurate judgments.

“There is no research that unequivocally shows that investigating social media posts from a future date will provide a better result,” says social psychologist Serge Desmarais, a professor at the University of Guelph.

He points out that before Facebook, successful relationships started and flourished without having access to that information. Now that that information is available, he says that there is a widespread belief that one is an idiot if he does not “drag” a person before a date. “It’s like we assume that everyone is a mass murderer,” Desmarais said.

He understands curiosity and the need to have a basic understanding of the person you are dating, but he wants people to notice that the material you see online is not accurate. “Research on self-presentation suggests that people present themselves in the most positive way possible,” Desmarais said.

Think about how people take 100 selfies before posting one that is perfect. He says we do the same when it comes to the information we present online – our social media posts indicate that we are amazing people doing amazing things. Few people post that their life is boring, monotonous, and uninteresting people, so he says we should evaluate the information we see online in the context in which it is presented: as a more positive representation of who we are (or who are). we want other people to think we are). “We do the same when we meet people face to face, but we do much more when we use social media,” Desmarais said.

And just because you have access to someone’s social media, Desmarais says that doesn’t mean it will provide you with a degree of security or certainty. It reminds us that relationships develop over time and that getting to know a person takes time. It’s a give-and-take process, he says. You reveal a bit of yourself and they do the same. Over time, you gain a better perception of the other person. “The use of social networks will not provide this degree of knowledge. Relationships require a leap of faith, ”Desmarais said. “People who want Absolute certainty At the beginning of a new relationship, you should consider staying single. ”

Relationship expert Wendy walsh, which has nearly a million followers on Tik Tok where he offers dating advice, he says that even though the posts are curated online, people should forever However, do research a possible date before you go out with them.

“We all know that social media is about people presenting the person they wish They were, but all dates start with an Academy Award-winning performance, ”Walsh said. “Then slowly you can peel off the layers and see the real human.” If you see something clearly wrong on her social media, she suggests not going through with the date and saving yourself time.

If the way they present themselves online doesn’t match the type of person you like, or if what they mention goes against your values ​​and beliefs, consider that you may not have much in common, Desmarais said. “Of course, people can change over time, but having very strong differences of opinion about values ​​will not lead to a positive relationship,” Desmarais said. “Go ahead and find someone whose values ​​and interests match yours.”

Jen Kirsch is a Toronto-based writer and freelance Star contributor. Follow her on Twitter: @jen_kirsch