It means what, exactly, be asexual? Does that mean that we doesn’t of libido or that we are not attracted by no one?

On the occasion of Francophone Asexuality Day, we demystify this sexual orientation. To get there, we spoke to actor Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier, who is asexual, and the founder of the Montreal Asexual Community, Isabelle Stephen.

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1 – What does it mean to be asexual?

Asexuality is defined by the total or almost total absence of sexual desire for someone else, explains Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier, who revealed that he was asexual during his appearance on the show. If we loved each other.

2 – Being asexual means not feeling any attraction for someone else?

Not exactly, since asexuality is a broad spectrum, indicates Isabelle Stephen.

Greysexuals, for example, can very rarely feel sexual attraction to another individual.

Demisexuals, like Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier, can develop, in certain contexts, an attraction, if they develop a very strong emotional bond with another person.

Eventually, fraysexuals (from the English word meaning “to fray”) feel an immediate attraction to someone. However, this attraction crumbles quickly when romantic feelings develop.

3 – Is there a difference between being asexual and not having libido?

There is a very big difference, points out Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier, adding that being asexual is not a choice. “Many asexuals have a strong libido and practice masturbation,” he says. You can have a high libido and not want to have sex with someone.

4 – Can asexual people fall in love?

Yes, it is possible to fall in love when you are asexual, since there is a difference between sexual and romantic attractions, recalls Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier.

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While asexual people don’t have sexual attraction, those who are aromantic don’t want a romantic relationship, he says. Homoromantic people, on the other hand, feel a romantic attraction to individuals of the same gender.

5 – Are we asexual all our life or it can fluctuate?

“Like any sexual orientation, it can evolve, but we are like that and it is part of us”, underlines Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier.

Isabelle Stephen adds that, if there is a fluctuation, the person will generally remain in the spectrum of asexuality.

6 – What kind of reaction can we expect when announcing that we are asexual?

It depends on who we announce it to, say our two speakers.

“For my friends and family, it was really new. Even for me, it’s recent, because we don’t talk about it, ”says the actor, who realized he was asexual three years ago.

He finds things much more difficult on dating apps. He lived a lot of ghosting after addressing his asexuality, and his sexual orientation is often invalidated by his “matches”. “It’s difficult, because there is a lack of education,” he believes.

Isabelle Stephen advises to quickly approach his asexuality with a potential new flame, in order to avoid discomfort.

7 – Does your partner have to be asexual?

Not at all! Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier is clear: a romantic relationship can go far beyond sex. He acknowledges that it may scare some people to engage with an asexual person, but it is possible.

All it takes, he says, is open-mindedness and communication. You have to be ready to review your conception of the couple, he adds. The possibility of being an open couple or having more than one partner can be a good option, he believes.

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8 – Is it difficult to to assume?

Asexuality can be really difficult to accept, especially in a hypersexualized society like ours, recognizes Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier.

“We take for granted that everyone is sexual, that to say that we do not like to sleep with someone else, it becomes almost more taboo than to talk about our sexual relationship the day before”, mentions- he. He also encourages asexuals to come to terms with their sexual orientation.

Photo Michel Pinault

Isabelle Stephen notes that there may be greater social pressure for asexual men, since men are often associated with an active sex life. “It can be more difficult for them to accept themselves,” she believes.

9 – Is this an answer to a trauma?

Absolutely not! Some people may have developed a dislike of sex after a trauma, but this is not at all related to asexuality, says Isabelle Stephen. “We don’t become asexual, we are,” she recalls.

Gabriel Guertin-Pasquier admits to having experienced several sexual assaults and non-consensual sexual relations before realizing that he was asexual, in his search for love. These traumatic experiences are not, however, related to his sexual orientation, he stresses. “It’s been a part of me since I was born.”

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