Radio-Canada Sports spoke with Dr. Nicolas Chevrier, psychologist, to try to understand what can push some of them to behave aggressively, even irrationally, and how situations like the one last weekend between a minor assistant referee and a spectator in a soccer game in Dollard-des-Ormeaux could be avoided.
Q. First of all, what could explain that a soccer match between minor children can cause outbursts like this?
A. First, there is the question of the emotional investment that one can have in general in sport. We see it with hooliganism in Europe. We see it to a certain extent here with the Montreal Canadiens. There is a certain emotional investment which is not always negative, which can make us experience pleasant emotions.
We saw it last summer, we experienced great emotions [quand le Canadien a atteint la finale de la Coupe Stanley]. It was very pleasant for everyone. Then we experienced less positive emotions [quand le CH a perdu en finale]but until then, it’s still sport.
We live emotions through sport and it’s very pleasant. What we experienced last weekend was something different, quite problematic, which we are discussing more and more: the behavior of parents [ou des membres de la famille] in relation to the sport that the children practice and the behavior that they will have as a spectator.
I think the first important thing is to ask yourself: how do we see sport in our child’s life? Do we see this as something positive, something that will lead to the development of certain skills in our child, such as learning to manage failure, collaborating with our teammates, learning to give effort?
All these skills that we develop in sport are, in my opinion, the essence of the activity. But, unfortunately, some people see it in a more competitive, performance spirit.
There is also a whole trend in our society that values performance and influences the vision of some parents. Rather than seeing children having fun, we are more in “my child against your child”, “my team against your team”. The competitive aspect becomes very important.
Often, psychologists will say that the child is the narcissistic extension of the person. We want to protect her. When the extension is threatened, we can feel a very strong emotional charge and we can see behaviors like that.
Q. Can it lead to irrational behavior?
A. Clearly. At times like these, anger can take over. We always keep in mind that anger is an emotion that gives us the illusion of regaining control over a situation.
When you feel like you are losing control over a situation, there are plenty of ways you can take it back. Anger is like the last resort. When we feel like we can’t do anything else, it’s anger that will give us the illusion of regaining control. Up to a certain point, there are times when it is suitable.
In this situation, it is clearly not suitable. In a situation like this, the viewer felt a sense of anger. Often it is associated with the perception that the situation has hurt us or that some harm has been done to us. We can perceive a certain intentionality, then a feeling of injustice.
It feels like the situation should have been different. This is often the case with arbitration because it is not an exact science. We have rules and we interpret them to the best of the different parameters we have: what we see, what is happening in front of us, our experience as a referee. It is far from an exact science. From there, injustices in refereeing, there are plenty in sport and there are even in professional sport, so it is to be expected.
If we perceive that there was an evil on the child’s side, a certain intentionality and an unfair situation, these are three elements which in our perception can cause anger to rise quite quickly.
Q. Why are we talking here about a lack of control?
A. I have been to arenas and baseball diamonds before. People react to what is happening on the ground.
They have little control over what happens on the pitch. When you’re sitting in the stands, the only thing you can do is shout or complain a bit to your neighbour. An important element to put into context is that in this case, we are talking about the referees, and it is extremely important to do so, but it does not stop with the referees.
We’ve all seen people yelling at their own child from the stands. We agree that it is really harmful for the child. But it shows that the parent is in a mode where he wants to control, he doesn’t know how to control and he feels that talking loudly and shouting will give him some control.
Q. How can behaviors like this be avoided?
A. There is probably a section for the leagues. I think the leagues find this extremely problematic themselves. Psychologically, when we want to neutralize behaviors that are problematic, one of the strategies we use is to humanize people.
We do it in the context of racism, for example, when there is intolerance. It is also done in the case of road rage. It’s not the same conception that we can have if we think of the car in front of us which cuts our way, than if we know that it’s a father with his three children.
Going through the humanization, among other things of arbitration, could be a good strategy. I don’t know how we could do it. Perhaps the idea could be to introduce the referees at the start of a match, as we do with the teams: give their first name, their age.
Let’s say we know that the assistant referee is called Raphaël, 14, and it’s his seventh game today. Already, to yell at Raphaël, 14, is not the same as to yell at the referee
.
Humanizing people, often, psychologically, will bring a perspective that is different, a crowd impact too. When a parent is going to lose control and stand up, maybe other parents are going to say: wait there, he’s 14 years old. Stay seated
. That, already, it could help to remember that they are not only referees, they are also young humans.
Of course, as parents, when we know that we are at risk of behavior like this, it is also important to recognize the warning signs.
Anger is like a thermometer. Slowly the thermometer will rise. When we arrive at 6/10, we must know how to write down our thoughts. Identify when it would be time to go for a walk to decompress.
Our child does not need us when he plays. By withdrawing, we protect ourselves and those around us.
Reference-ici.radio-canada.ca