They don’t let me complain, by Juan José Millás

There was recently in Madrid a rally of lotteries that went unnoticed by the press. They complained that your commission remains stagnant since many years. I think they have another prepared for the same December 22, at the time of the start of the draw. I am trying to find out what is striking about these demonstrations and why the little interest they arouse in the press. But since I can’t figure out anything on my own, I bring up the matter in the psychotherapy.

-I have been told by the lottery in my neighborhood – I begin after lying down on the couch – that, although they are manifested by the lack of updating of their commissions, the press ignores them.

– Are you friendly with him? asks my psychoanalyst.

-Friendship, no, it’s that I buy the lottery regularly at your establishment. My psychoanalyst is silent. Your silence indicates that I have said something that I should reflect on myself without needing your help. But the fact of buying lottery, I think, is not reprehensible, although perhaps it reveals the most irrational part of myself: to believe in magic.

-It is not that I believe in magic -I defend myself as if my therapist had said otherwise-, but it is true that I act like I believe in her, just like a non-believer who nevertheless went to mass.

“Yeah,” she says as mere formal support for my speech.

“ Few people, ” he continued, “ are capable of confess that he practices magical rites such as crossing his fingerseven if he hates them. It is difficult for the media to break the news of the lotteries’ malaise because they think, perhaps, that they sell magic and that someone who makes a living selling magic has no right to complain.

“You may be right,” my analyst replies. I do not think it is a bad analysis. But take it to yourself, which, from what I see, is a magic buyer. Do you think you have the right to complain about your conflicts?

-Of course I have the right, but I also feel that they do not let me.

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“You have something of a magic salesman, then.”

“Something yes,” I confess, and since then I have not stopped thinking about the matter.

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