It was the spring of 2023 and Anne Marie Cavner was the closest she had come to meeting her biological father. Then her life hit her hard.
Cavner, a 56-year-old Thunder Bay resident, was adopted in Timmins, Ont., as a baby and grew up in Toronto. This is something she has always known. The mystery was who her biological parents were. Until last year, the only clue Cavner had obtained about the identities of her biological parents was that they were both 16 years old at the time of her birth, information she had obtained from the Timmins Children’s Aid Society in the decade. from 1980.
“It made it easier for me to accept why I was adopted,” she told CTVNews.ca in a Zoom interview on Monday. “I mean, 16 years old, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have been ready to raise a child at 16.”
Then, in early 2023, a new relative appeared on her daughter’s Ancestry.ca DNA profile: an uncle she had never heard of. Spurred on by the prospect of meeting the brother she never knew she had, Cavner submitted her own DNA sample to Ancestry and was matched with her new relative: a younger brother with whom she shared a father. biological.
“I felt like I won a huge lottery,” he said. “It’s unexpected. It comes out of nowhere. It’s super exciting and you can’t believe it.”
‘I’m sorry for the loss’
Once she connected with her brother (whose name she chose not to share out of respect for his privacy) and gained his trust, she asked him for help arranging a meeting with her father. She agreed, but she said that she first wanted to have the opportunity to talk to him in person.
That spring, as Mother’s Day approached, Cavner’s brother planned a trip to Thunder Bay to visit their father and share the news that he had connected with her. But he never had the chance. Less than two months after Cavner first made contact with his brother, his father died.
“I just wanted to sit down and have a cup of coffee with him… to make a connection, even if it’s just for an hour, once,” she said. “And then I found out he passed away. Grieving the loss of not being able to have that conversation was difficult.”
Although Cavner lost the opportunity to meet her biological father, she is grateful for everything she has gained since the day an unknown uncle appeared in her daughter’s DNA profile.
Cavner learned that he has a total of three siblings through his father: a sister who he sees weekly and two brothers who live out of province. And while approaching one of those siblings as a stranger to Ancestry was a little scary, Cavner said getting to know his siblings has been completely rewarding.
“They have been incredibly warm and welcoming as they dealt with their own grief,” she said. “Meeting them gives me a very good idea of who my biological father was. They have been so genuine and so loving, and I give their parents a lot of credit for how they raised them.”
Cavner even managed to locate his birth mother last summer, after obtaining paperwork for his adoption. Cavner was surprised to learn that she also lives in Thunder Bay. It wasn’t long before the two connected by phone, and despite his initial nervousness, Cavner said talking to his mother had been enlightening.
“That was incredibly emotional and scary… but we had a very good open discussion about what had happened,” he said. Cavner now has an idea of her mother’s experience: that of a teenager who wanted to give her young daughter the best chance at a happy life.
“We’ve kept in touch so it’s been exciting. I’m learning a bit more about his family and his life after me and it’s really interesting how it’s all going.”
A growing family tree
In addition to the three siblings with whom he shares a father, Cavner learned that he has a brother and a deceased sister through his mother. She is also connected to cousins on her father’s side and she plans to visit them in Winnipeg with her daughter next month.
Her biological family tree, which previously consisted only of Cavner, her husband, and her children and grandchildren, is branching in all directions.
“Now I can go up five or six generations through Ancestry,” he said. “So that’s been amazing.”
Cavner describes the last year as an “emotional rollercoaster.” She took a risk, accepted the risk of being rejected, suffered a loss and started a family…and she would do it all again.
“I may regret not doing it sooner… but otherwise no, I don’t regret it at all,” he said. “I think everyone should do it.”
CTV News asked readers to share their discoveries after using 23andMe, Ancestry, MyHeritage and other genealogy websites. These websites published stories about uncovering family secrets, locating long-lost relatives, and exploring family trees. More than 100 people responded to our call.
Visit CTVNews.ca on Monday mornings to read the latest in our DNA Diaries series.