A leap into the void
Father of a 7 year old son, I am faced with this issue. My father, without being a masculinist, was always very conservative in gender issues, and as a sensitive little boy, I did not have a good relationship with him until I came of age. I am now faced with this challenge with my son: trying to do things differently from my elders, but by throwing myself a little into the void. I hope that with time and articles like yours, progressive men can better define their place and give their sons the chance to be sensitive without making them feel like they are inadequate in terms of masculinity.
Maxime Coursol, Saint-Jérôme
Feel the emotions
To be a man is first of all to be aware of and feel the life circulating in my being. If he does not feel his emotions and his body, he is like a feather driven by the wind. From a very young age, before the ego is well anchored, the child needs an environment who receives him in his sensitivity and in his difference. I would like the first year of school to be a year of personal development.
Rejean Doiron, Bertrand
Good, strong and courageous
A man is a role model for boys. Boys are naturally inspired by a good man and want to emulate him. A man is strong and courageous. The definition of these adjectives is important. Being strong and courageous can be expressed in different ways. A good man will be able to express it in all its nuances and he will assume his own colors, his own nature. Strong: he takes care of the people he loves and he protects women and children. He takes responsibility for his problems and finds solutions. You can count on him in case of problems. He is there to listen to us, encourage us, help us. Courageous: he faces his fears, encourages others to surpass themselves, dares to be vulnerable and cry, dares to seek help when it is necessary and accepts the help offered to him. Being a man is wonderful.
Carl-Olivier Laroche, Montreal
Models in the series
I don’t know what “being a boy” is. On the other hand, I see the evolution. I believe that young people who watch series such as SKAM, Heartstopper, Young Royals, Sex Education, etc. are faced with varied models of masculinity. These series transform for the better the view of adults and the view of young people on sexual diversity. It’s a revolution.
Maryse Pellerin, Sutton
Become a “real” strong man
Studies show that sexual prejudices and stereotypes direct our young boys to be interested in objects and activities (e.g.: playing firefighters, police officers, soldiers) that define specific roles (e.g.: protectors, fearless adventurers). We also know that parents, themselves conditioned in their childhood, will be the main trainers of gender stereotypes in their young boys.
Unconsciously, parents will often disapprove of their boy’s behavior and attitudes which do not fit into the register of what is accepted as masculine. If you encourage a preschool boy to play with dolls in the presence of his parents, you will immediately observe discomfort not in the child (quite the contrary), but in most of the parents present. Later, school-age friends will fervently maintain the stereotypes with great denigration (e.g., calling the other person a wimp).
As a society, we can put in place rules and living conditions aimed at equality between the sexes (e.g.: gender-neutral toilets). But this will be of no use until parents are forced to introspect about their perceptions of what is masculine and feminine and their resulting parental behaviors.
And it is urgent to do so, because we see that the stereotypes imposed on our young boys are harmful. They disrupt the security of girls who have become women who find themselves confronted with increasingly uninhibited masculinism. Also, stereotypes direct man to live in a world where the expression of his real feelings such as fear and his needs for comfort can never be manifested. However, developing in such conditions encourages the boy to turn away from his real needs and contributes to major adaptive disorders.
All humans need to express their emotions first and foremost. Allowing our young boys to cry, to be afraid, to feel inadequate, must be part of their learning, because it has a major impact on their mental health. In fact, learning to express our emotions is part of our vital needs in the same way as eating, sleeping and going to the toilet. Let us no longer deprive our young boys of this soothing world of feelings.
However, to become truly strong men, boys (young and old) must learn to open their “affective channel”, because it is through this channel that our humanity is expressed and that the most beautiful things in life life happens to us.
Frankie Bernèche, professor of psychology
1. Read our file “Becoming a man”
reference: www.lapresse.ca