As the Spanish translation of his surname reveals, Oriol Mitja it is a median. She has gone from being the son-in-law that every Catalan mother would want to being the relative capable of embittering the family meal with her apocalyptic forecasts, a Child Heifer of healthof viruses instead of numbers.
-I am very happy that we have all gathered here today, family. Too bad that at the next meal we won’t even have half left, with the fat and cholesterol that this feast brings.
Every time our Oriol is pachucho, he goes out in all the media calling for repentance, that the end of the world is near. I wish Oriol many years of health, and not because I particularly appreciate him, but because while he is healthy, at least he leaves us in peace, because that man, who has a few tenths of a fever, is already appearing in the newspapers and on TV to warn us that we are going the wrong way. An unbearable tabarra, which I hope it will at least help you sell bookswhich is what it should be about.
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I wrote a long time ago that a society in which doctors ruled would be an unbearable dictatorship, and the College of Physicians, with so little work it must have, was so outraged that more than a college I have the intuition that it is a nursery school. With the doctors in power, we would not eat red meat, we would not smoke, we would not drink alcohol or coffee, we would wash our hands five times a day and, as if that were not enough, we would fuck with a condom. As in Eugenio’s joke, we wouldn’t live any longer, but it would take longer. Mitjà loves us, and for that He wants life to be longendless, eternal, although, as it goes, what it will do is make us beg for someone to help us put an end to it. There is no medium in which Oriol Mitjà does not appear to make our lives bitter, I am afraid to see him soon on the yogurt lids: “Throw this away, unfortunate, it contains fat and refined sugar!”.
Perhaps as I write this, poor Oriol has caught conjunctivitis, and will be out tomorrow demanding that we all wear sunglasses. Or he suffers from the first symptoms of alopecia, and he will appear on TV to recommend a shampoo. I don’t know if this guy is an epidemiologist or not, in fact, I don’t even know what the hell an epidemiologist is, what I’m sure of is that the best solution against the pandemic is the mask. But like this, in the singular: that someone presses the one that Mitjà wears really hard, until he can’t speak.