Doubts. Insecurities. Decisions. Emotions. guilt. Uncertainties. Fear. Happiness. Distress. Motherhood and parenting involves diving into a new life, and one of the best recipes to face such a dip is embrace the chaos and not trying to be Superwoman.
‘Embrace chaos’ is the title of the last chapter of ‘Goodbye expectations, hello reality’ (Zenith publishing house), the book that every pregnant woman should read. Its author is Monica from the Fountainjournalist, mother of a 13-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son, and head of the parenting platform mothersphere. De la Fuente impregnates an essay with humor and certainties in which she narrates her motherhood, which is that of many women. Demolishing clichés about maternal instinct, the alleged crush of love you feel as soon as you give birth, and the mysticism of pregnancy and parenting, the book is a reality check, a way to make a tribe and make us feel that we are not alone.
Mental health
De la Fuente puts on the table something that is still taboo: the mental health. “If you are not feeling well, physically or psychologically, since pregnancy, it is best to go to a professional and not just read books. On many occasions, pregnancy is not accompanied by a state of happiness but rather comes with stress or sadness & rdquor ;, explains the popularizer who has been leading Madresfera for eleven years, a platform that flees from claptrap and pseudoscience to focus on rigorous and scientific information. Being pregnant – remembers De la Fuente – can be a wonderful moment. “Or a scare. Or a bomb. Or an annoyance. It can be, and is, many things at the same time.” “When I got pregnant I didn’t even know what perinatal mental health was. Pregnancy is seen as healing, mystical and sacred, but it can also be a horror & rdquor ;, she continues.
De la Fuente recommends seeing everything (at least, when you can) through the filter of humor. The journalist laughs at all the ‘instagramer’ moms and acknowledges that her closet is full of tights and functional clothing. “I have an open war with the headlines that remind us that so-and-so has recovered in record time after pregnancy and sports a flat stomach. What a festival of stereotypes. Does no one realize that these ‘celebrities’ have infinitely more resources than you? All of this can contribute to feelings of guilt and frustration. Little is said about eating disorders during pregnancy & rdquor ;.
read and listen
In the maternal world, usually excessively sugary, one of the most vaunted stereotypes is that of the instant crush on the newborn. It is one thing that the oxytocin (the neurohormone that induces childbirth and makes mothers, after suffering so much, not reject their children) does its job -which it does- and another one that invades you with happiness and love at that moment. Topics -says De la Fuente- are fought reading a lot and listening to other mothers. “We are crushed by expectations, but we should admit that the crush does not always happen. It comes to you when it comes to you. It is important to remember that not feeling crushes does not mean that you do not love your child & rdquor ;, she concludes.
“No one can explain to us how to connect with the creature. Nobody and nothing really prepares you for the anguish, the tearing, the mechanical saw inserting you into your brain that is seeing your baby cry & rdquor ;, recalls De la Fuente.
Pregnant women should prepare themselves mentally to know how bad it is when your baby cries a lot more than what you have been told in many parenting manuals. “There is no god to fix this outright & rdquor ;, De la Fuente despairs, admitting that the co-sleeping (sleeping next to your baby) is not for everyone but it saved her life.
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No matter how many castles in the air that pregnant women set up, the stubborn reality shows that having children is a before and after in life. “There are those who, naively, truly believe that after having a baby her life will continue as before & rdquor ;, emphasizes the popularizer speaking of leisure and friendships and, of course, work life. To think that your facet as a working woman will come out unscathed after childbirth and the medical leave of birth is naive. Welcome to non-conciliation. “Reconciliation is a word that has entered our lives, there is a lot of talk about it, but it is a mirage. To begin with, we continue with the same and insufficient maternity leave of 16 weeks plus the days of breastfeeding. And finally, how do you reconcile, for example, a single woman with three children and a precarious job?”
never judge
Faced with such a perfect storm, De la Fuente asks that we not judge the other mothers but that we respect each other, the greatest lesson learned from the command of Madresfera.“There is no single way to raise or see life & rdquor;concludes after recommending all mothers not to take anything for granted, to accept their mistakes, to treat boys and girls as people, to respect their privacy, to ask for their forgiveness and, above all, “to don’t forget about yourself despite delivery & rdquor ;.