Josh Freed: Fear of Flying Survival Guide in Canada

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So you are planning your first trip since COVID-19, flying to BC or Bhutan, on Scare Canada or Lessjet.

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But he’s terrified of flight delays, cancellations and baggage problems created by the Canadian Ministry of Air Chaos and Tourism Destruction. Apparently, the Government of Canada did not foresee an increase in travel, after 30 months without anyone traveling.

So here is a survival guide for fear of flying in Canada.

Preparation: If you need to renew your passport, start traveling two weeks in advance, as it’s quicker to drive nine hours from Montreal to Fredericton, where lines are only three hours, not three weeks. So spend $500 and voila.

DON’T FLY to Fredericton: By the time you’re home 10 days later, you won’t want to fly anywhere for a year.

Packaging: In today’s age of air travel, your checked luggage likely won’t go where you go, so pack accordingly. EITHER:

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1) Only carry hand luggage, even if you are moving to Europe.

2) Take carry-on luggage, but also pack non-essentials in a checked bag that contains nothing you really need, just things you wondered if you might need: your cappuccino maker, a pedestal fan, your cereal. favorite breakfast and your winter jacket when flying to the south of France.

If you’re going to a hot climate, ask yourself: Do you really need shoes and that change of clothes?

Airport: Arrive seven hours early to handle hour-long separate lines at baggage, security, passport, immigration, and fast food counters, as Canadian airports are understaffed by the thousands.

For security, put a GPS tracker in your luggage, so that when it goes missing you can track your journey, as you travel to exotic foreign locations you’ll never visit.

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If you are going to make a connection, be prepared to spend the night at the airport, as two-thirds of Air Canada flights were late last weekend.

In a carry-on bag, bring a toothbrush, an air mattress, a pillow, and pajamas for overnights on comfortable foreign airport floors.

be like those Scouts from Quebec who slept comfortably at the Vancouver airport a full night. They cleverly brought camping gear as they thought they would be camping in the Yukon.

Avoid connecting flights, but if necessary, choose a city and airport where you would like to spend several days, when your next flight is cancelled. Avoid the crowded Toronto Pearson Airport in the morning, as well as in the afternoon, evening and at night.

If you’re traveling with kids, bring 24 hours of movies and electronics to occupy them through more security lines, passports, restrooms, and boarding that will take longer than your flight, even if you’re headed to Australia.

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Flight: If your plane takes off from the ground, cover up and avoid anyone on board who may have COVID-19, including flight attendants. Don’t be surprised if there is an announcement after takeoff, like in a famous German cartoon, that says:

“This is the captain speaking; Welcome aboard. Due to COVID-19, today I am working remotely from home.”

With staff shortages, bring your own lunch, dinner, breakfast and seat belt. Pray that your flight will not be diverted to another location due to weather, as you will likely spend your vacation there.

If you change routes, don’t bother looking for Air Canada representatives, as there are none.

Good news! Air Canada just canceled about 15 percent of its July and August flights, so the rest should be delayed less frequently. Air Canada management is now considering canceling all flights; that way, neither would be late.

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If you do eventually get where you’re going, it’s best to have hotels and cars booked well in advance. There are 100 million people traveling around the world in the next week aloneso rental cars cost more per day than hotels, while hotels cost more than your flight.

During your vacation, have fun and never complain about anything. You’ll have plenty of time to complain on the way home.

Getting back: Return trips that were once routine are now a test. First, you must find a clinic for COVID-19 testing, although Canadians can board their return flights. with COVID-19.

Next, you need to fill out the online ArriveCan form, created by legions of Canadian bureaucrats to ensure only the tech-savvy get back home, while the rest stay abroad to figure out how to use it.

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The form asks a lot of pertinent questions, like at what address will you be quarantining in Canada, if you have COVID-19, although there is no longer any contact tracing, so no one will verify, know or care where you are staying.

If you can’t remember your own address, make one up, as immigration officers rarely check someone’s ArriveCan form, as they are understaffed.

When you land, don’t jump for your luggage, as your flight is hours away. They will first drop all passengers who have connecting flights that they have already missed.

If your return flight isn’t cancelled, it should be late, so if you have a connection in Canada, run like crazy through the airport before they reassign your seats and be begging for standing room.

When you land at home, expect an hour wait as immigration and baggage handling are understaffed to discourage tourists.

The bad news: Your luggage probably won’t arrive for another week. The good news: You’ll travel farther and earn more frequent flyer points than you.

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