Jane Macdougall: | Vancouver Sun

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It was a weekday afternoon.

Unexceptional in many ways except that Margaret was spending it in the emergency department at Vancouver General Hospital. No one likes having to go to ER but the smallest consolation is that there’s usually hospital dramas unfolding before your eyes.

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As Margaret sat waiting, a man escorted by four Vancouver police officers arrived. His hands were handcuffed behind his back. A chair was provided for the man. He sat quietly while the officers attended to whatever it is officers attend to when bringing someone to the hospital.

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The usual riot of the emergency room activity swirled around this group of five but they were the quiet eye in the storm. The handcuffed man seemed obliging and composed. The officers were calm and efficient.

Soon after, the man was escorted to the area beyond the waiting room, an officer guiding him by the elbow. That officer explained to the man that he’d be going in with the doctors now, that he was in good hands and that these people would help him. The handcuffed man nodded, thanked him and quietly vanished behind the doors.

Margaret would come to know that the man she saw being admitted at was the same man who, earlier that day, had gone on a rampage in downtown Vancouver. He’d coursed through the city breaking windows, threatening people, lunging with a knife at a pedestrian, and stabbing another man.

Margaret makes no comment on the man and his crimes. What caught her attention was the deportment of the attending officers. The handcuffed man wasn’t just an alleged suspect, it was entirely clear what he had done just hours before. But, where the police — inured as they are to troublemakers — might have been cold and cavalier, they were professional and compassionate.

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Margaret was impressed enough by their conduct to send a note commending the officers to Vancouver Chief Const. Adam Palmer. She wanted to impress upon him that, “ … your officer demonstrated a degree of humanity unexpected in the circumstances and that I am grateful that he is working with the police department”.

There’s much to love about this story. Even in instances of bizarre criminal conduct, magnanimity and professionalism are in evidence within our constabulary. That a citizen takes the time to acknowledge exemplary conduct is wonderful.

That a dangerous person was released from the Fraser Correctional Centre just days before this rampage is another topic worthy of consideration.

As regular vacuuming and dusting aren’t compliances the police care about, my interface with the constabulary is almost nil. I did, however, participate in a ride-along with the RCMP a few years ago.

Here’s what I learned: I’m grateful I’m not a cop. I’d have little patience for what they have to deal with.

There were several incidents during the nighttime ride-along where the officers demonstrated professional toleration. They not only had to deal with wildly uncooperative suspects but they had to do so while members of the public offered loud criticism, all the while videoing the proceedings on their cellphones.

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We want our police to be models of uninterrupted forbearance. Even when many of us couldn’t lay claim to the same.

Jane Macdougall is a freelance writer and former National Post columnist who lives in Vancouver. She will be writing on The Bookless Club every Saturday online and in The Vancouver Sun. For more of what Jane’s up to, check out her website, janemacdougall.com

This week’s question for readers:

Question: Let’s hear about your positive run-ins with the law.

Send your answers by email text, not an attachment, in 100 words or less, along with your full name to Jane at [email protected]. We will print some next week in this space.

Last week’s question for readers:

Question: Are you and your cousins ‘birds of a feather’ or virtual strangers?

Have you heard of the expression double cousin? My mom’s sister married my dad‘s brother. I considered my uncle and aunts offspring as double cousins. Is there such a thing? Eventually my father’s two brothers married my mother’s two sisters.

Len Shannon

According to Family Search, Franklin D. Roosevelt is my ninth cousin three times removed.

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He never made it to any of our family dinners, however.

George Mosley

My cousin’s son and grandson, Phil and Max, joined my daughter, her family and me at Whistler earlier in March. Because Phil’s family lives in Bozeman, Mont., we hadn’t seen each other since 2005 and the teenagers had never met. We spent one evening trying to decide who was first, second and removed. By the end of their visit, it didn’t matter. We just loved being together — skiing, eating, sharing family stories.

M. Brown

I have always had a great interest in ancestry and keeping in touch with my first, once-removed and second cousins. During COVID, I organized a worldwide Zoom call with cousins living in Africa, Australia, the U.K., and other parts of Canada. It was a huge success with cousins ranging in age from their 30s to 80s. The most challenging part was a 21 hour time difference so in Vancouver we went on at 3 a.m. The call went on for two hours and had rave reviews. Some first cousins met for the very first time. Definitely a great way to keep connected.

Cathie Cleveland

My cousins and I live all over the world but due to our early years, we are close. We continue our relationships through social media, Facebook, WhatsApp. It has kept us closer. Before the explosion of social media, it was postcards and the annual Christmas letter and photo. We stay up to date with each other’s lives. I am so happy to have continued contact with them and found lost cousins. In our later years it is so important for us to be connected and have meaningful conversations and laugh like we used to when we were younger.

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Linda Zumm

Our extended family Christmas potluck party was started by my great grandparents over 100 years ago. We are now into our seventh generation and cousins rule the day. We have first, second, third and even fourth cousins. And my second cousin’s great-granddaughters are my second cousins three times removed. We all get along because, for some of us, it’s the only time we see each other.

Roger Shaw

It was such a surprise to me on returning from a first trip with seven cousins, ages ranging from 70 to 86, to pick up my Vancouver Sun on Saturday and read your column.

One of the cousins has had a 30-year time-share in Maui but, after losing her husband four years ago, found it lonely on her own. As we age, we try to get together at least once a year for lunch. The residents of the condo knew all about the cousins coming and we often said during the week how amazing it was that we could do this and credited our grandmother who determined we should all have Christmas together when we were all young. In Maui, we were amazed that seven women could share two bathrooms. With not a cross word spoken, some left after the first week and three of us oldies stayed the full two weeks. It was an absolutely fabulous time and already the cousin who came all the way from Florida wants us to go there next year.

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Janice McCann

I come from a big family that, fortunately, my sister Molly keeps track of. What I know is that I have a lovely eight-year-old first cousin three times removed — or is it “thrice”? — named Olivia. Her great grandmother was my first cousin Eileen.

Nancy Carlman

My grandmother and her two sisters lived in Keremeos. My dad and his eastern cousins were close. As a child, every Thanksgiving we got together to pick up apples and use the old cider press to crank out juice. Eventually, a big potluck dinner was added. It is now held in Neal,  my brother, and Louisa Carter’s orchards in Summerland. We rent a hall for the dinner. No invites; everyone just comes, now our grandchildren, too. At dinner, a huge family tree is on the wall. More than 80 cousins.

Kathie (Carter) Vander Helm

I have cousins who do not live where I live. I have cousins on my spouse’s side who live nearby. These cousins were important to me as I grew up with them. Many years ago they designated a women’s cousin’s lunch for first-cousins only. I was not allowed to attend even though my spouse was a first cousin. Each time they would meet, I was upset. Finally, I spoke up to let them know I felt excluded. Following, a cousin’s lunch ensued that included all men and women cousins. These all-inclusive luncheons continued for several years. In time, some of the cousins passed away but my family and I have continued to keep in touch, through social media, with their families.

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Bonnie Hamilton

I have a first cousin on the paternal side whom I have not seen or communicated with since we were teenagers; we’re both in our 70s now. I know he lives in San Diego and is or was a lawyer. The estrangement came about as the wives — dad and uncle — had some unspoken feud which I could never understand. Also, my father’s career took us to different places. I am closest to my maternal second-cousins in Quebec, all slightly younger than me. When we lived in Montreal, our families alternated hosting Christmas, New Year, and Easter dinners along with the grandparents, and visited back and forth often, so they were among my regular playmates. We still keep in touch. I also have third or fourth cousins in the U.S. through maternal grandmother’s family, and we do keep in touch fairly often. Our parents had a long-lasting friendship. I suppose I have many cousins or, more likely, descendants in Italy, but have had no contact since the 1960s.

Bruno Bandiera

We all do live a distance apart in Canada and also there are others spread around the world.
Some are birds of a feather, others not. With the advent of Facebook and Instagram, it’s awesome it helps us all keep in touch and current. My aunties and uncles would try to get together once in a while for family reunions, often travelling to Victoria where my auntie Joan, and my dad Harry retired. There are five families involved. I miss those days and hearing their stories of our history. I miss my cousins who would travel to be with their aging parents and all of us being together. I miss this as the “last one standing” of that generation passed in 2022. Time for us cousins to step up to the plate.

Margaret Dutilloy

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