ASK AMY: The rumor about the teacher forces to report

Article content

Dear Amy: I recently heard that a teacher at my high school slept with one of his underage students.

Article content

I know it’s possibly just a rumor, but based on the source (a close friend of the student) I think it’s true.

This would have happened 10 years ago, however my instinct is to report this to the school. After all, he is still a teacher there.

It’s none of my business?

I don’t know the student or the teacher well. Based on conversations I’ve had, it appears that many of my former colleagues knew this but didn’t say anything.

Would it be wrong for me to blow up the life of a potentially innocent professor?

And even if he’s guilty, what if the victim doesn’t want to revive him? Shouldn’t that be your choice?

However, I feel it is my duty to say something.

What if he still sleeps with the students?

If I know predatory behavior and stay silent, am I not part of the problem?

Article content

– guilty spectator

Dear culprit: You’ve heard of this third hand. You should strongly urge the person who repeated this to you (and who is closest to the source of the information) to report it to the school. If you don’t want to, you should do it. Just tell them that this is what you heard and that you cannot verify it. They are morally and legally obliged to investigate.

Even if you assume that the student involved believed that she “consented” to this at the time, the reason this type of relationship is a crime is because underage persons cannot legally consent. And the reason underage people cannot consent is also the reason they cannot legally drive without a license or drink alcohol: a teenager’s brain and emotions are not developed enough to drink. this kind of decision that could be life altering.

Article content

Children and adolescents are vulnerable and that is why there are laws to protect them. Students are vulnerable to power dynamics vis-à-vis adults who are supposed to respect and protect them, and that is why it is against the law (and school policy) for teachers and school staff to have sex with them.

And even if this former student believes that she graduated unscathed from this experience, there may be other students who were victims of this teacher who are traumatized.

So yes, people who have heard of this have a moral obligation to report it.

Dear Amy: My partner of three has a bad habit of spending the night out without communicating and then ignoring my texts and calls.

For example, you will come home at 1 a.m. M. On a business day, or at 4 a.m. M. After a night out with friends.

Article content

This is really distressing behavior for me and I have expressed it to you.

He promises he’s not cheating and says I’m trying to control him.

Is it unreasonable for me to wait for a text message update if you plan to stay outside of your normal hours?

Am I desperate to call when you don’t get home at a reasonable time?

I’m exaggerating?

– Worry at home

Dear Concern: Calling your partner is a logical consequence when he is very late and does not respond to text messages.

I don’t see your actions as particularly “desperate,” but I think you have to acknowledge that you are with someone who doesn’t care that their behavior distresses you so much, and then tries to make you believe that you are out of place to worry.

Article content

He says that you are trying to control him, but his behavior indicates that he is trying to control you. He’s trying to train you to leave him alone, and maybe you should!

I wonder how he would respond if he arrived early in the morning and realized that you weren’t there, worried and upset.

I’m not suggesting that you play games, but you could free yourself from some of these triggers by taking some time for yourself.

Dear Amy: Lifelong reader, here. I don’t always agree with you, but your compassionate response to the trauma survivor “Fear of shaking the boat” brought tears to my eyes.

Here’s the phrase that got me: “You are hard on yourself, as survivors tend to be. It goes with the territory. “

How did you know

– impressed

Dear Impressed: I know this because my own therapist told me, and although I am not a survivor of trauma, I took in this important insight.