ASK AMY: Reader Feedback on Toilet Etiquette Question

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Dear readers: I recently posted a “Got to Go in LA” letter asking a question that I think is a good question regarding toilet etiquette in public restrooms that are not gender specific.

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Got to Go’s question is: after you’ve used a public restroom, should I leave the seat facing up or down?

I promised to conduct an informal survey and count the results.

Unfortunately, I didn’t really think about this.

I have received several hundred responses, some of which contain lengthy narratives, which means that I have spent much of the last week reading about toilets.

My favorite answer is below, because it comes from someone with a great deal of knowledge, who I suppose has seen too much, when it comes to the bathroom.

Dear Amy: With 35 years of experience as a flight attendant, I know something about non-gender specific toilets. Although my airline did not have a policy on this issue, I have thoughts on this, which follow:

1) If there is a lid and a seat, always lower both before exiting.

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2) If there is only one seat, raise it, simply because there are enough men who do not think of raising it if it is down; and a missed approach is very likely.

3) If you are a man, consider sitting down so you don’t splash and always wipe the edge with paper before washing your hands and going out.

4) And women should never use it as a squat toilet. Always!

For everyone, simply order as a sign of respect for your fellow man. – Cleaned enough

Dear cleaned up: I can only imagine the stories that you and your colleagues have stored in your (carefully packaged) rolling bags.

Thanks for your service.

Dear Amy: Can You Take Another Letter About COVID-19?

My age and my state of health place me in a higher risk group than others.

Due to the pandemic, I have avoided contact with people. I left my part-time job due to concerns about COVID in the workplace. I no longer travel or have visits in person with friends.

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I no longer attend church services. I no longer eat in restaurants. I no longer attend concerts or go to the movies.

I just buy the essentials and get in and out of the store as quickly as possible.

I am fully vaccinated, so why do I act like this? Because we are told that those who are fully vaccinated can become seriously ill and die from this virus.

We are told that anyone can be an asymptomatic carrier of this virus and pass it on to someone and possibly kill them. We are told that variants of this virus could make it through a vaccine.

I used to have a life, but now I live in fear.

Apparently I’m not the only one, because mental health professionals are busy for weeks.

In my opinion, the psychological damage inflicted by this pandemic (or perhaps by the media coverage of it) is being overlooked.

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Your advice? – Tired of everything

Dear patient: I think you should make a deliberate effort to take more control of your life and do your best to tiptoe back into the world, step by step.

If you can, sign up with an online therapist and try an anti-anxiety meditation app.

Cognitive behavioral therapy involves techniques designed to reconfigure your mental and behavioral patterns. Basically, this is a form of exposure therapy where you very gradually, gently, and deliberately expose yourself to the experiences that trigger your anxiety. And anyone can prove it.

You can meet people safely (certainly in masks and outdoors), and you should do your best to breathe fresh air and get gentle exercise, preferably with a partner. Take note of your body’s reaction to stress and do your best to deliberately turn off the negative tape playing in your head. Replace with “I can do this. I am safe.”

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Celebrate your little victories: “I took a little more time in the store today and it felt good!”

Turn off the constant flow of COVID information and misinformation, and only check CDC.gov and your local health department for updates. Work on expanding your range, very gradually.

Life is full of risks. Some of these risks (driving a car, for example) also involve risks for others. But he drives a car because he understands that the rewards of driving outweigh the risks.

Getting caught up in your fears is not good for you. The stress of living in this heightened and scared state is definitely not good for your health.