If there’s one thing Graeme Johnston looks forward to this Thanksgiving compared to last year, it’s that getting together with family can seem a little more normal.
“It will be the first family vacation reunion since the pandemic began where there has been no discomfort around the precautions we are taking,” he says, while traveling with his partner, mom and brother to a rented Airbnb near Madeira in BC. Park for the holiday weekend.
“So this year we will be eating at a table and not glancing at each other, wondering if someone accidentally sneezed into the potatoes.”
While sneeze potatoes are still an unwanted guest on Thanksgiving, the family is feeling a little more comfortable gathering under one roof this year. Everyone has talked openly about being fully vaccinated, and Johnston’s sister’s children, who are too young to be vaccinated, are the only unvaccinated guests.
The risk of transmission among the rest of the vaccinated group, although not zero, is at a comfortable level for the family.
In anticipation of the holidays, Sandra Swail, Johnston’s mother, has steered clear of riskier activities, such as attending her choir group. Still, he worries about his own 94-year-old mother who lives in Ontario.
“I can tell you that I am terrified for my 94-year-old mother because I have a brother who is anti-vaccine,” she says. “He doesn’t want to say no to (see) his own children because he knows his time is limited and he wants to spend time with his brother’s children.”
Swail, who visited Ontario in July, only saw his unvaccinated brother outdoors and is often concerned that his mother will be exposed to COVID-19 through his family.
“It causes a lot of anxiety,” she says.
Families across the country are doing their own balancing act when it comes to celebrating Thanksgiving. Family members are eager to reunite after 19 months of restricted gatherings due to the pandemic, but all have different perspectives on risk, especially when some family members are more susceptible to severe COVID-19 and others are not vaccinated.
Contrary to intuition, the healthiest way to spend the weekend, says University of Toronto psychology professor Steve Joordens, may be to ignore the elephant in the room.
“The first thing I would say is: remember your parents and there is nothing that hurts your parents more than seeing their children fight each other and especially as angry and unpleasant as discussions about vaccines and anti-vax can sometimes be”, He says. .
He suggests, if possible, negotiating preventive détente among family members with widely differing views on vaccinations. If it’s possible to reach out to a family member ahead of time and agree not to broach the subject, do so, he suggests.
“In general, stop picking at the scab,” he says. “Agree not to go there.”
Saying it is one thing; staying calm is another, and maintaining discipline once you’ve reached that agreement is key. If the issue is raised, despite the pact, walk away, says Joordens.
“That sends a message,” he says. “’This is not worth my time. I’m not going to commit. ‘
To get through those family gatherings, Joordens says psychology has a trick: stop focusing on the negative and focus on the positive.
If you’re trying to avoid a touchy topic of conversation, prepare yourself with topics where you share common ground, he says, rather than dancing on the controversial topic.
“If you keep talking about it, you keep giving it air,” says Joordens. “So … let it go, while also implicitly highlighting all the connection points that you have, that you are still family, and that you have all these things in common.”
Rebecca Wagner, from the Waterloo region of Ontario, breathed a sigh of relief when she received an email from her aunt saying that the large Thanksgiving family that is usually celebrated at her home would be canceled this year. In pre-COVID-19 times, meetings could include up to 40 people.
“They wanted to avoid any controversy about having to openly exclude unvaccinated family members,” Wagner says. “Most of us are fully vaccinated and we are very cautious. Our main concern is my 91-year-old grandmother, we do not want to expose her to anyone who is not vaccinated.
Instead, the family will celebrate in smaller groups, which to Wagner means her and her parents (she will also spend part of Thanksgiving Sunday volunteering at a vaccine clinic). That means unvaccinated family members can join each other if they wish, but others do not have to participate.
“If people can do their part to keep things from spreading, maybe we can have a meeting next Thanksgiving,” he says.
For other families, the prospect of coming together as a vaccinated group sounds great, but unvaccinated little ones make them wary of participating in larger gatherings this year.
Kimiko Shibata, who normally hosts a family reunion at her home in Kitchener, Ontario, is satisfied with the alternative of eating alone with her nuclear family and making video calls to other family members. Her seven-year-old daughter is still unable to get vaccinated, and Shibata doesn’t want to do anything in her own life that makes her daughter more likely to carry the virus to school, for example.
“Every decision we make has repercussions in the community,” he says. “It’s not just about me or my family.”
Shibata says that one thing that would make a difference for his family would be if widespread rapid tests were available.
“The concern for me is that there may be an asymptomatic carrier,” he says. “So if everyone could get a quick test before coming into my house, that would be great.”
On the other hand, they don’t feel they are necessarily missing something by going virtual this year. Her daughter has adjusted well to online interactions and, she says, at least there is still Halloween happening in person.
Cheryl Ambrose and her family are yet to make firm plans. She lives multigenerationally, with her husband, daughter, and five-year-old granddaughter. All adults in your household are vaccinated, as are adults in your nearby child’s home. But due to the family’s unvaccinated child and some of her husband’s health complications, they choose to meet only outdoors as a precaution.
Therefore, Thanksgiving plans are weather dependent this year.
“It is too risky to meet indoors even though everyone except the five-year-old has had his two injections,” he says. “We know that you can still get an infection and pass the virus on.”
Ambrose says a good Christmas present would be for his granddaughter to have at least her first dose of vaccine by then, which would reassure the family about getting together for that holiday.
Meanwhile, your son has a renovated barn with excellent ventilation and plenty of semi-outdoor seating.
“I feel safer meeting and drinking tea and sweets in that particular environment, with a large volume of air and few people, than in my dining room, which is more closed and has less air volume,” she says.
Ambrose says she feels hopeful that she will be able to meet more closely in the near future; You will only continue to monitor COVID-19 cases in your region and wait for your granddaughter to be vaccinated.
“And when the vaccine is available for the five-year-old, I will be the first to call the doctor’s office on the phone,” she says.
Reference-www.thestar.com