JS Park has heard thousands of deathbed confessions, wishes and regrets as an interfaith chaplain at Tampa General Hospital.
“Very often, on the brink of mortality, injury or illness (patients, people, us), we are emotionally vulnerable and begin to open up about things that may have lain dormant for a long time,” Park told CTVNews.ca. via video call from Tampa. , Florida. “I would say 98 percent of the time they will tell me the kind of person they wish they had become, what they wish they had done.”
For nearly a decade, Park has served the needs of patients and their loved ones at the 1,040-bed hospital. For every code blue trauma, death and medical emergency, Park and other hospital chaplains are available to offer spiritual support, grief counseling and help with end-of-life decision making.
“We see the most difficult cases, the most difficult types of injuries and illnesses: we suffer gunshot wounds, fires, falls, stabbings, strokes, drownings, all kinds of things,” Park explained. “As a hospital chaplain, I act as a comforting, non-judgmental presence.”
Published this week, his new book “All the time you need“documents his journey and what he has learned about loss.
“It’s part memoir, part hospital stories, and part guide through grief,” Park said. “The book attempts to give people permission to express grief in all the ways it emerges, whether it’s screaming, dancing, singing, rolling on the floor, or numbness, fatigue, shutting down, cognitive fog, not being able to cry at all. “
Parks says it’s also important, as the book’s title announces, to take the time to grieve.
“I think socially and culturally we are taught to repress that pain, to move on, to let it go, to turn the page, to get back to the hustle and routine and… to reintegrate back into life,” she said. “And so I would say to those who are grieving to take your time and take the time you need, be kind to yourself and be open to that.”
Park describes himself as a former atheist who wanted to be a therapist before embracing Christianity in college. He sees people of all religions at the hospital and only talks about religion if a patient mentions it.
“We’re not there to convert or preach, we’re there to be present,” Park said. “Most of my job is listening.”
Hearing so many last words can also offer valuable lessons for the living. While many people don’t have the resources to live the lives they want, Park says many others can, but ultimately choose not to or simply put things off for another day.
“Death, whether it’s 30 years from now or tomorrow, the crack in the ground will open one day,” Park said.
“And if you can choose, if you have the resources, if you have the ability and the ability, my hope and my goal is to tell you to choose today so that when you end up on that deathbed, you can look back.” and say, ‘I didn’t do it perfectly, but I know I did it with passion, I know I did it fully to the best of my ability.’ And whether that means spending more time with the kids, or pursuing a hobby, or a plan, or a purpose, or just getting off the phone and enjoying the moment, choose that.”
In his new book ‘As Long as You Need’, hospital chaplain JS Park talks about death, grief and hearing a thousand last words. (HarperCollins)
Park has also heard disturbing confessions and has had to report continued abuse to authorities. She admits that her job can weigh on her and that, from eating well to exercising to seeing a therapist to sleeping well, no amount of self-care can undo the things she’s seen and heard.
“What makes me a chaplain and a human being is being open and vulnerable with all of my patients, and that’s what makes this work especially hard,” Park said. “But I can’t close that off either, I can’t compartmentalize, because what makes me a chaplain and a human being is what helps me do the work. So I am open to everything, I feel the pain. When the pain comes, I allow myself to cry and, sometimes even fall apart.”
Looking for the silver lining, Park says that being surrounded by death has also made him appreciate life more. He frequently shares his experiences and knowledge with a large number of social media following.
“You know, life really is a blink of an eye: we are paper lanterns and the simplest spark can move us forward,” Park said. “So I really try to be in the moment and try to help my patients in the last moments, if they didn’t get to have what they wanted, how can I make space for them in that moment to have it?”