We must rethink everything we have been told that implies flirt. For starters, the very word, flirt. I use it so that we understand each other, but I I prefer to talk about seduction or to show someone that you are interested to see if it is reciprocal.
Many of the behaviors we have learned to show this interest go beyond just showing interest. These behaviors are related to feeling that if you “league” is that you are a champion. perhaps you have seen the controversy these days about ElXokas, an internet content creator. What has happened has made me think that we should talk about how the macho seduction game works.
I’ll put you in a situation: in a live show, ElXokas explains and talks for a while about how important it is to learn how to go out without drinking or using other drugs. It’s great that someone with a high degree of influence among young people can talk about how you can go out and have a lot of fun without having to go too far with alcohol or without using other drugs. At one point he starts talking about trick (and if it’s a trick, it’s something you do on purpose) from some friends of his who didn’t drink and who “They had fun taking girls who were high & rdquor;. And between this and other comments he’s made about “picking up” drunk girls, he’s obviously had a lot of flak.
I was reviewing all the controversy to see if there was any news and Rocío Vidal, a journalist who reports on science and who often talks about feminism (in networks known as La Gata de Schrodinger) he explained that he was talking to him and, after this, he has continued to talk about the controversy. I really enjoyed listening to him and I recommend that you do too.
What I think of all this is that it’s one thing to go out to a party without drinking and have a good time and then meet someone interesting and another thing is to have a good time taking a girl who is stoned. He defines the friend of his that he flirts with drunk girls by saying that It is a crack, an out of series, “of fucking pro & rdquor ;, when “you take a girl & rdquor ;. What counts is that you take the girl, not that the two people get excited about the idea of being together, no. It must be like a trophy. Even when the aunt is drunk or high. A trophy. Is this flirting? Collect trophies? Because precisely this is the philosophy of the ‘incels’ who sell infallible techniques of seduction. The ‘incels’ are those heterosexual men (mostly) who say they are in involuntary celibacy because they have no one to have shared sexual relations with and, consequently, they invent all the techniques in which they objectify women without taking into account their will in order to get a list of sexual trophies.
I want to think that show interest in someone and have sex with that person is part of a match in which the people involved enjoy and do it with all their will and enthusiasm. And I can’t handle the idea of collecting sexual encounters with multiple girls as a measure of success, especially if you don’t care at all whether the other person ended up having sex of their own volition or not.
I have also been reviewing the explanations that ElXocas has given and, although I understand that it must be hard to receive a lot of criticism, I want to pay attention to something he says, because it serves as an example to understand how we get defensive by attacking other people, even manipulating them from a distance.
“At what point in the speech did you understand this, uncle or aunt? I mean, what kind of sick thought do you have in your head?” Here he turns the tables and tells us that misguided people are the ones who have thought that what he said was not correct and that it was a comment that it was part of those attitudes that make up rape culture. It is not that we have understood it because we have a perverse mind, it is that we are already fed up with macho behaviors being used to flirt as if they were valid and even rewardable. We are tired of being objectified and that the culture of fear is instilled in us while the other remains in all those dynamics that are part of the culture of rape.
When someone points out something we have done wrong, especially when it is sexist behavior, it is common for the person who receives the criticism get defensive and insult who has said something. Perhaps the first thing we should consider when we receive criticism for a sexist comment (or racist, or classist, or ableist, or lgtbiqaphobic, etc.) that we have is that we must review how our belief system works so that we come to take ourselves as a joke, or even value positively, that someone goes out to flirt and that as a trick go for people who are drunk.
That phrase “whoever follows it gets it” we cannot apply it to the world of seduction because if someone is dedicated to using insistence to flirt he’s not trying to flirt, he’s just thinking about taking home a sexual trophy. Seducing us is not that, seducing is showing interest in the other person and seeing if that interest is reciprocal. And if the interest is not reciprocal in an obvious way, no strategy is necessary to get “linked & rdquor; to the other person.
THE NEWSPAPER opens the space Understand + relationships and sexuality to share your questions, suggestions and contributions on these issues.
The psychologist specialized in couples therapy, sexology, family therapy and perinatal psychology Elena Crespi It will be in charge of resolving all those questions that arise and will propose content that will contribute to making our relationships healthier and more satisfactory.
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