“Reconciliation does not exist”


  • The journalist Diana Oliver analyzes in ‘Precarious Maternities’ how having children has become a privilege because society corners care

Mother of two children, the journalist Diana Oliver (Madrid, 1981) dedicates his professional life to placing the motherhood and parenting in its rightful place, a priority place in society. The author has just published ‘Precarious maternity’ (Harp), a lucid and well-documented essay in which he analyzes how having children has become a privilege due to a system that puts care aside and despises it.

We have gone from a time when we had children little less than by obligation to another in which we cannot afford to be mothers. Where is the freedom?

That is what I ask myself, if we are really free to have children or are we less than ever. Motherhood is no longer a destiny. Apparently, you are no longer expected to marry and have children. Although socially there are loopholes because if you reach 30 years old and you don’t have a partner and a baby the alarms go off. But as I was saying, I don’t know if we are free. In the current system, there are no conditions to have offspring. We do not have that right, it is not covered and protected. Only when you become a mother do you realize and think that everything is much more difficult than you thought.

According to the INE, 90% of women between 30 and 34 years old say they do not have children for economic reasons.

Your economic circumstances deeply mark your vital decisions. You will have children or not depending on your pocket, which has a very heavy weight. You become a mother without being aware of what it entails. We extol and mythologize motherhood, but neither socially nor institutionally is it given the value it has. We don’t even give it to ourselves.

Why do we want to be mothers?

The data shows that, indeed, a majority of women want to have children. Why? I do not know. I don’t know if there is something irrational or biological. The idea has been sold that you can delay motherhood as long as you want because there are many desires that compete with having children: work, travel… But, on the other hand, if you start your job 16 weeks after giving birth, the only option you have is to outsource the care. Will you be able to care as you want? Are you going to have a system that supports you? Do not.

Late motherhood blows you up in the face, to raise a child it is better to be young and have physical energy.

It has been sold to us as an advance and in a way it is. Fight biology and decide when your best time is. But is your body over 40 years old ready? Fertility treatments are a death trap because you have to invest an exaggerated amount of money. Who can afford it? Fertility clinics are becoming millionaires. They have a big business with us. And we are buying it.

“I often wonder if we were wrong to have children. Not for them but for us. For what we can offer them & rdquor ;. How hard is this that she writes in his book.

The problem is not motherhood but rather that motherhood does not fit into the system as it is configured. No wonder there are repentant mothers. We love and love our children (and they also make us angry, mind you) but the problem is not them. They have not made our lives worse. The obstacle is that we cannot fit parenting into the system. It’s all set up in such a way that sons and daughters are the last thing that matters. You have to take care of them but your family is far away, you don’t have a support network, you don’t know if you’re going to keep your job and uncertainty can take over.

Within 24 hours of giving birth to her second child, she went to work.

Yes, a thorn that I have nailed. With my first daughter I had an overwhelming loneliness that overwhelmed me. On the one hand, I felt privileged to be with them, to breastfeed them and not leave them in a daycare center. But it has been the most ‘hardcore’ experience of my life. A vital chapter that physically and psychologically has taken me ahead.

Reconciliation is impossible. Does not exist. They are the grandmothers and grandfathers, nursery schools, day mothers and the friend who saves you to pick up your children because you do not arrive. You can’t do two things at once. The problem is that they sell us that it is possible, and that only generates more anxiety and stress. In the 70s, feminism did a very valuable job and women were not relegated to the home. But the issue of care has stuck with us. There is only smoke and fantasies. A radical change is needed, not patches. How many times do children get mean? How many parents see no other option but to give him apiretal if he has a fever and take him to school?

The answer of many will be “not having had children & rdquor ;.

I imagine that for them motherhood has no value and is a second-rate affair. All these difficulties must be visible in order to revalue it. We have to see and recover the joy of motherhood. We are taking care of people, helping them grow and educating them. Care and people are a value, not just economics.

Related news

According to the data included in the book, one in five women in the world suffers from some psychological disorder during pregnancy and in the first year after childbirth. How are we mental health mothers doing?

When you give birth, there is health monitoring of the baby, but not of the mother. We lack support from the health system. Many of us feel that we have to be good and strong. It seems you can’t show weakness.

Education and Parenting Club

At Education and Upbringing Club of EL PERIÓDICO we want to share ideas, experiences, trends, questions and answers about the motherhood and fatherhood. If you have young children or teenagers, this is your place. Olga Pereda moderates a community in which everyone fits: dads, moms, grandparents, aunts, pedagogues, teachers…

It is very easy to join the club. Sign up for Entre Todos and write to us, explaining your concerns or sharing your own experiences. Together we will create a space to join us in the exciting and complicated task of raising and educating.


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