‘My emptiness and me’: the trans reality told in an intimate way


Raphi has just moved to Barcelona and dresses naturally as a woman. But there is something that does not fit, she does not feel good with her body or with her identity. After going through a medical consultation, she will be diagnosed with gender dysphoria and from that moment on, she will begin her transition.

It’s what counts ‘My emptiness and me’, a film that starts from the personal experiences of Raphaëlle Pérez to delve into what trans reality means in the first person. The project started five years ago, when Adrián Silvestre, its director, began working with women from the collective in a film workshop. Two works have emerged from this collaboration, the documentary ‘Sediments’ and this film that swings between autobiography and fiction. “Raphi signed up for that course and told me that he was writing stories about his life. When I read them, I realized that they had enormous cinematographic potential and that she was a very organic and natural actress, so we began to shape a collaborative script in which she is the one who speaks in the first person & rdquor ;.

The film was selected at the last Rotterdam Festival and is now competing in the official competition at the Malaga Festival. In it we accompany the protagonist throughout her process in a deeply intimate way. Along the way, doubts will arise, stumbling blocks in her desperate attempt to be accepted. “One of the themes is the look of the other & rdquor ;, continues the director. “How do we see ourselves ratified or not through others & rdquor ;.

Indeed, Raphi feels an enormous inner emptiness, but he does not stop fighting to discover himself, free himself and vindicate himself. He has encounters with men, but he doesn’t always get the love he expects. In that aspect, the sex scenes are as real as they are stark. “It was something that had to appear, we could not ignore it. Without taboos, without censorship, but also without morbidity & rdquor ;.

fundamental diptych

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The manager thinks that The time has passed to debate the trans reality in our country, since the identity law is approved, it will enter into force and now is the time to apply it. Silvestre, in this sense, has composed a fundamental diptych to understand this issue in our present. If ‘Sedimentos’ looked at the past and at the problems these women had within our society, ‘My emptiness and I’ looks at the future.

The script has been written by the director himself and Raphi, in collaboration with Carlos Marques-Marcet, since they needed an outside look after so many years involved in the project. Barcelona becomes one more stage. Raphi lives in the Poblenou area and the Torre Agbar is omnipresent. “We wanted to explore the urban environment to compose all the relationships between the characters. But it was not our intention to show the typical postcard Barcelona. Actually, Raphi, who is French, feels a bit foreign in that land, also coinciding with a radical process of change for her”.


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