At my age and with a lot of therapy behind me, I have little left to work on. But I have to confess something that has tortured me since I was little. I have no childhood friends. I don’t have them because I had no friends in my childhood. It’s that easy. I had rather enemies. Children who did not love me, who marginalized me and teachers who, instead of helping, fed more bullying. Years go by and I still have that thorn stuck in my soul. I fantasize and dream sometimes with the idea of opening a huge melon creating a ‘MeToo’ of bullying. With names of schools, teachers and children who are no longer children. Some have important positions and I get chills just thinking about it. But every time I get in front of the computer with the idea of doing it, my little girl at school tells me not to do it. Surely out of fear. And that’s when the older girl that I am honestly thinks it wouldn’t be worth it.
I want to think that those children were not bad, I want to think that now they are magnificent people and I want to think that they don’t even remember me and how bad they put me through. I have even come to think that I, by way of revenge, also hurt one of those children. I don’t remember, but I don’t rule it out. I want to think that those children no longer exist. It gives me peace to think like that. On the other hand, if I created the ‘hashtag’ with the name of my stalkers, it would be like resurrecting them and I am quite clear that it would not be a good idea. The ones who behaved really badly were the adults. Most of the teachers are dead or retired, but unfortunately I know that the school is still standing and continues with the same model of 40 years ago. Children who go to school sad because they feel discriminated against, because they don’t feel loved and because they are made to believe that they are useless. Then hopefully and with the support of his family, they will solve it with a change of school and they will realize that they can be happy and have friends. They will find a job, people will value them and everything will be fine. Until someone introduces you to his best friend from childhood and to you, without really knowing why, you feel enormous sadness.