Behind the door | Dare to pay

The Press offers you each week a testimony which aims to illustrate what really happens behind the bedroom door, in privacy, far, far from statistics and standards. Today: Sophie*, fifty years old.

You say, want to have an experience with an expert in the field? It says, dare to pay and thus feel legitimate to ask for, and receive, precisely what you want? Sophie saw it. And since she has no one to tell it to, here is her story.

Our interlocutor, in her energetic fifties, has been married for more than 30 years. “Perhaps I didn’t function like all the other girls,” she confides straight away, seated in a charming café, without going out of her way. “I started feeling sensual signs very early on. »

The caresses to fall asleep, rubbing in the park in the structures, she sees herself again finding it “pleasant”, she recounts in a low voice, like all the rest of her story, more or less untold, for all the reasons that we know, starting with the secret.

“It led me, growing up, to want to experiment,” continues the one who has never really stopped since, we guess. She begins by kissing a boy (“the first time, I found it disgusting!”), then “touching, letting myself be touched, all that…”

From the age of 12, “I saw the effect it had on boys, and the effect it had on me. Oh my God, it’s powerful! », she realizes.

She finds lovers here and there, and continues thus: “I do this to you, you do this to me. » Blowjob, cunnilingus, anything goes. “I really liked that!” »

His first sexual relationship happened at 14 or 15 years old. “I wanted to get rid of that. » She wants someone “experienced”, comes across a slightly older guy in a bar (“I had fake cards!”), likes his shoulders and, like the determined girl that she is, chooses him . “I don’t even know if he knows he had a virgin in his hands…”

I had already experienced so many other things that I didn’t find it extraordinary.

Sophie, fifty

And then ? “It opened the door,” says Sophie, who then multiplied her adventures. The following years were prosperous: between the ages of 15 and 20, she found herself in bed with around thirty men. Nothing to be offended about, she continues: “I know I don’t look like that (…), but for me, it’s a means of communication. A man has desires and when he comes across a girl who has needs, it’s normal. » Normal, certainly, but not always “satisfactory”, she specifies. “Handsome guys”, even if they are the ones who inevitably attract her, do not necessarily make the best moves, she argues. “They don’t have to put much effort into bed, that doesn’t make the best lovers.” » Who are the most skillful? “Those who have had long-lasting blondes!” “, she answers without hesitation. For good reason: “they learned…”

Sophie ends up meeting someone older, who has obviously seen others, in a bar, in her late twenties. It is he who will become her husband, the father of her children, in addition to being an outstanding lover. ” Amazing ! Him, the cunnilingus (…) impeccable! (…) I had nothing to show him,” she beams.

“We are having several wonderful years,” she continues. They make love several times a day, then, with the children, the roller coaster – “you’re looking for time”, but the chemistry continues, although obviously less often. “It’s normal,” she said. At some point, you have other priorities, you have careers, too. (…) But he is a good provider, a good lover. It’s always been good. » Monsieur has “a lot of needs”, she obviously does too, in short, it clicks.

Besides, no, she never looked elsewhere. “Maybe I Frenched at an office party,” she slips, “but otherwise, I have always been very faithful, and so has he. »

Everything is going well until the gentleman falls ill. Seriously. Most recently. And there, for all kinds of reasons, everything changes. “My nursing temperament came out,” she analyzes, “I take care and the other becomes a patient. (…) You don’t want him to die! (…) I was afraid. Really afraid…” And all this, she knows, “cuts the libido…” On both sides, it must be clarified. As proof: she found incriminating traces of lipstick, in a more than doubtful place, let’s say, unequivocally.

“That hurt me. »

Sophie does not open up about her pain. We understand that they talked about it, she even consulted, and more or less overcame it. “I think we’re together until the end of time.” ” But, there is a but.

He wanted to test his masculinity, maybe I should test too?

Sophie, fifty

This is how quite recently, and to find a “one-off” story (“I don’t want to maintain a relationship!”) and above all to have “guaranteed satisfaction”, Sophie did “her research”. These led her directly to the site of a man, quite nice thank you (“I wanted a physical ideal!”), offering “escort” services, frankly. Why not, Sophie thought. “One: it’s going to be good. Two: consensual, and I won’t have to perform or give! »

Of course, the very first time, Sophie has all sorts of questions. But he’s a professional and everything works out like a charm in the end, to say the least. “Very tender,” she whispers, giggling, “obviously he’s someone who has the trick. (…) He is very patient. (…) It’s a long time, an hour, when you just receive. (…) Really, cunnilingus, she marvels, you can’t even say it! »

She saw him several times, once a month. And no, the illegality of the affair does not bother him. “We agree that he’s not a little guy,” she said, “he does this by choice. » Above all, she can no longer do without it. “Ah my God, it gives me confidence, certainly fullness, I feel fulfilled! (…) And then be more patient in my relationship! »

Even more fulfilled with her husband, she believes. As if the adventure had something “therapeutic”. “I think I’m more into it. And my husband is very happy that it has come back. I am in the present moment. (…) It developed that! »

Every time she goes to see him, Sophie still tells herself that it will be the last. “Oh my God, but how do you expect me to stop this? »

“Think about it,” she concludes: 30 years with the same person! I don’t know about couples who last, how they do it. But I have the impression that there are a lot of stories like that behind the door…”

* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity


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