ASK AMY: Neighbors Not Notified of a Street Death

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Dear Amy: “Ben” and “Sally” were neighbors of ours for 38 years.

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We are the oldest residents of the street; the remaining properties have changed ownership several times.

Ben and Sally were somewhat lonely, however when we met while walking we enjoyed each other.

I was never at their house, but they invited me to one of their daughters’ weddings. Both daughters are outgoing. When we visited his parents, we always enjoyed friendly banter with them.

This January, while at his winter home, Ben became ill and died.

Sally was taken home and placed in a care facility.

Hearing this from a resident down the street surprised me.

Apparently the daughters have been in and out of the family home, packing and sorting, and the other resident came by and was asking what was going on, and the daughter responded with sad news from her parents.

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I am quite perplexed because the daughters have not called me or sent me a note telling me about their parents. In my opinion, it would be respectful.

– Annoying neighbor

Dear Annoying: I could easily cite several very understandable reasons why these two women have not communicated, including the fact that they may have forgotten their names and affiliation with their parents.

If the rest of the houses on the street have changed hands multiple times over the years, they may have assumed yours too.

Something as simple as not having access to your relatives’ address book (or not being listed in it because they were actually neighbors) could have prevented them from contacting you.

Your question places you near the center of a very challenging and disturbing time for these daughters, but in my opinion, it would be respectful for YOU to reach out to them, express your sympathy for their sudden loss, and ask for their best. way you could keep in touch with her mother.

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After a death, people who express sympathy often write notes, not the other way around.

Dear Amy: I’m 35. My ex and I went our separate ways at the beginning of the pandemic. I have problems of my own, but mostly she couldn’t handle her drink.

Since the breakup, I’ve dated a couple of people, but haven’t met anyone I’m interested in.

My ex and I have tried to be friends, but about a week ago, she asked me for advice on seduction for her new boy.

She was not subtle. She thought we were friends enough to ask.

We are not.

I did not react well. I don’t scream, but I said, “This topic is really not right, and in the last year you haven’t asked me about my life once. You do realize that your drinking has made it very difficult for me to keep going, right? Because all anyone wants to do is go have a drink, and now I can’t do it without having a panic attack. “

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It was out of place. Excuse me. The only defense I can muster is that in an eight-year relationship, she never wanted to take responsibility for anything she did, and I wanted, once, for her to acknowledge what she did to me.

But my reaction seemed vindictive.

She didn’t recognize him, and in the next breath she asked me for a large sum of money. I hung up on him.

That leaves me trying to figure out how to move on.

– Glued

Dear Stuck: I don’t necessarily enjoy contradicting your own opinion about your actions, but you weren’t out of place. You were not vindictive. He set a clear boundary and stated the impact of his ex’s drinking on his life.

I’d say it’s a very good start.

In the future, don’t apologize for expressing your own needs.

Do not look for one more friendship.

Please attend an Al-anon meeting (Al-Anon.org). It will help you move on.

Dear Amy: I enjoyed the “Expecting” dilemma (her husband had a vasectomy 19 years ago and got pregnant).

I have to share something similar that happened to one of my cousins.

My cousin and her husband had two healthy children, so my cousin had her tubes tied and her husband had a vasectomy.

They both healed.

They now have THREE healthy children.

– Three times is a charm

Dear three times: The odds of both procedures ultimately failing must have been astronomical.