ASK AMY: Generous dad plans a blues cruise

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Dear Amy: I am the father of four grown children and a stepson. All are married or have a long-term partner, except the youngest.

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I have been with my current girlfriend and her two teenagers for over five years.

I decided, when the first vaccine for COVID was about to be approved, to invite all my children and their spouses / partners on a seven-day cruise next year, all expenses paid.

Initially, I thought that my unmarried youngest daughter would share a room with her brother and his girlfriend.

Discussing this with her, instead, she asked if she could bring her best friend, and since I was paying for everyone else’s partner, it seemed only fair that she could bring someone as well.

I said yes and paid for all reservations and airfare.

When my girlfriend found out about this arrangement, she was furious and insisted that the best friend (whom we had never met) was not a family member and that she should pay for her own travel.

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My girlfriend threatens not to go, nor will she allow her two children to join us.

My girlfriend has never gotten along very well with my youngest son, but she insists that her problem is entirely about family versus others.

I don’t know how to proceed.

I’d feel awful if I didn’t invite my best friend. My daughter could refuse to come. Other family members may drop out of school.

On the other hand, all my children are adults, so my relationship with my girlfriend should be a priority for me, right?

– Generous to blame

Dear generous: You are not married to your girlfriend. She is not contributing money for this extravagant and generous trip. If your girlfriend is differentiating between “family” and “others,” is she the one who decides who falls into which category?

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None of the burden of planning or paying for this trip falls on her. Some people may have offered to include this “best friend” only if the friend paid for her own airfare and expenses, but you are not doing it that way. And, since it’s your penny, you can choose how you spend it.

Literally his girlfriend’s only job is to show up with her kids, accept their generosity, and have fun. You must tell her that the offer for this trip is still on the table and that you hope she and her children will accept it, but that the final decision is yours.

We apologize, but this video could not be loaded.

Dear Amy: Just before the pandemic, I moved into my first home.

I quickly joined my wonderful neighbors.

I am a great cook, as well as a neighbor in particular.

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We started exchanging food; really wonderful food, but she is very harsh on pepper.

I can tolerate a lot of spices in my food, but the pepper / spiciness of each recipe overwhelms the flavors of the dish.

Most of the time I go back to working the dishes to try and control the heat, but on occasion, I have thrown away the leftovers.

I’m grateful to be the recipient of your always delicious food, but I don’t want to spoil the new friendship by saying something and sounding ungrateful.

Normally I solve problems logically, but this one really has me stuck.

Do I keep accepting food knowing it will be too spicy, or should I say something?

They are fabulous neighbors.

– On Fire in California

Dear on fire: Let me try to suggest a wording for you.

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“Wow, your chicken paprikash was amazing, but unfortunately I’m quite sensitive to spicy and spicy foods. Maybe that’s why my own dishes are probably a little bland for you. “

Dear Amy: Reading several questions about overly involved mothers-in-law, I had to share my story with you.

Before my son got married, he and I were very close.

So after marrying a wonderful girl, my son still felt close to me and asked my advice and then mentioned to his wife how he would do certain things.

A close friend pointed this out to me, knowing it bothered my daughter-in-law.

The next time my son came to ask me for advice, I guided him in the direction of his smart, intelligent and amazing wife.

My relationship with my son and daughter-in-law remains strong, but their marriage grew even stronger.

Mothers-in-law need to know their place!

– Best MIL

Dear MIL: It can be challenging to step aside and allow a new spouse to become the primary partner with a child you have raised.

His wisdom applies to all in-laws, not just mothers.

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