ASK AMY: Family members are not thankful for political discord

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Dear Amy: My husband and I are in our 60s. We do not have children.

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Usually nephews and nephews invite us to join them for Thanksgiving dinner.

My problem concerns my brother, “Jack”, who inevitably brings up issues we disagree with (he thinks COVID is just a mild flu, vaccines don’t work, the last election was stolen, the current president is stupid, climate change is a hoax, etc.).

Most of the family supported the former president in the last elections; We are probably the only ones in the family who voted for the Democrats.

At one of the last family gatherings, Jack and another family member were arguing in front of my husband, saying that most Democrats don’t go to church and have no morals.

My husband didn’t say anything, but he was offended.

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Although we would like to see family members, we think we will just stay home for Thanksgiving.

When and if we are invited, I can say that we made other plans, but someone will inevitably ask what we are doing.

Should I tell Jack that I’m tired of him bringing up inflammatory topics and that I’m staying home?

I know that you will not refrain from mentioning these issues and you are very dogmatic in your views.

– Tired

Dear tired: In addition to the political divide, she has described an incident in which her husband was offended (for good reason), but did not respond.

Why not?

You seem extremely passive in the face of this attack, perhaps because it is overwhelming at the moment, but it seems to me that these family members are not starting arguments, because they all agree with each other.

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Anyway, it’s irritating to be taught lessons, especially since her man is in the White House.

You don’t need to make up an excuse to decline this year. Tell them you’ve decided to take a break from politics.

Dear Amy: I have been fortunate to be a stay at home mom to our son for the past five years. This year he is at school.

Given the unpredictability of the school year (possible virtual schooling, quarantine, etc.) and my husband’s demanding work, we agreed that I should continue to stay home this year.

I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease late last year and we agreed that it is good for me to have some time to focus on my health.

Over the past two weeks, I have received multiple calls / texts from friends who have panicked because their child suddenly has virtual school due to COVID cases in their classroom, or is sent home from daycare due to a fever or cold / flu. -as symptoms.

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These moms ask me to watch their children for all or part of the day so they can go to work or attend pre-planned activities.

I hesitate to spend long periods of time with children who are sick or who have been with other sick children.

So my policy is that I will help, only if the child has a current negative COVID test.

I have received some frivolous responses: (ie “Doesn’t matter” and “I don’t intend to get tested, because they weren’t exposed”).

This has made me question whether I am being unreasonable.

I think some of my friends think that since I have all this “free time”, I would make a great free babysitter. Ultimately, I know they are stressed and I want to help them, but I also want to keep my family safe.

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What are your thoughts?

– A loyal reader

Dear loyal: You do not have to justify your decision to refuse care for children who are at home after school because they are ill or have possibly been exposed to COVID.

You also don’t have to justify your decision not to care for the children, regardless of the circumstances. You just need to keep in mind that parents trade child-related favors over time, and you may one day find yourself in a position to ask for them.

Now that you have refused and received cold responses, these parents will have realized that you will not be available to them as a backup.

Dear Amy: He argued that a father who refused to address his son with his new “non-binary” identity was being “hateful”.

Just because the cultural paradigm has changed, truth and science have not.

Amy, you are alienating and marginalizing a significant portion of the population.

– SB

Dear SB: Ironically, “alienating and marginalizing” was exactly what this father was doing.