The world Campus and The breach, a program of the Makesense association, join forces to have young people testify, each month, on orientation, their questions for living and working differently. Julie, 30, doctor who graduated in 2019, wrote this text.
In April, I resigned from my first post as a hospital doctor, after three months off for burnout. If I had been told I would come to this, I would never have believed it. I naively believed that my vocation could not be tainted.
Having grown up surrounded by doctors, I very quickly wanted to follow this path, despite my mother’s warnings, still today divided between loyalty to this profession and disappointment with its reality. I was a good student, I passed the first year of medicine, went through the day school without difficulty and without asking myself any questions.
I started my internship stressed by diving into responsibilities, but also proud to finally become a doctor. However, the university hospital quickly bothered me and a feeling of insecurity grew during my internships. The requirement to run the service at full speed no matter what, the uncertain and insufficient supervision, the ego wars, the lack of support in difficult situations … made the already substantial work heavier.
The patient takes a back seat
My last internship accumulated all the inconsistencies of this environment. While I had chosen to become a neurologist, I had to go through a cardiology department. Even though it wasn’t my specialty, I was often the only doctor patients saw during their hospitalization. I found it difficult to get help in situations that were beyond me.
I see myself at that time. These days on the phone to squeeze in last minute exams, to try to get the results faster, to plan the next appointments. These attempts to take the time to explain the situation to patients, although I am not comfortable in this specialty. I found it hard to tolerate the lack of empathy that I witnessed, but that I also showed, due to lack of time. By dint of running non-stop for missions that are not ours, we end up relegating the patient to the background.
At the time, I felt alone, I gradually disengaged. I cry in my car in the morning on the way to the hospital. But I have no choice, I have to hold on, pass the thesis, continue with the assistantship – this post of young chef which lasts two years, just after the boarding school.
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